Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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