I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
