Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
