Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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