pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
