peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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