After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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