If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
