Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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