Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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