This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
