I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
