i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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