never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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