Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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