I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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