We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
