so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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