ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
now i know why i became what i already was.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
