do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
