Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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