he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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