I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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