shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
