I hate all girls vehemently.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
