whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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