he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
