oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
