Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
