Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
