He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
