I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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