the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
