Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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