Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
