Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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