I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
