Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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