I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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