here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
