I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
