its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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