Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
