somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
