you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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