No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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