you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
