What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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