I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
