how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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