dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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