Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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