My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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