Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
