I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
