The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
