i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
