I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
