So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
