reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
