Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
